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PHU FUCKING KET FUCKING ROCKS
Sawadee kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ape khabar semua?! Doing good??? Hahahahaha, whaaaaattt only eh this person eh, greeting in Thai then ask question in Malay then don't know how suddenly can speak English. Sorry lah geng, I just come back from 6D5N in Phuket, Thailand lah (like as if you don't know, if you follow me on my Twitter) so now the tongue and the language machiam still got tersangkut traces of Phuket. (Padahal only know how to say 'Sawadee ka' hahaha ape je.) Takmu angrish ok, I'll rave about it this one last time here then I will shut up ok. Now that I come back already I must announce my verdict is that Phuket fucking rocks!!! Wait, not enough, let me emphasize it again: PHUKET FUCKING ROCKS. Everything there is so cheap and so breezy and simple and relaxing and the people are all so polite and nice and friendly. Lisa recently mentioned to me that one of her friends say that of course ah they are nice and friendly, over there is tourist attraction mah, so they want to make you buy their barang barang. Well, I say, that one still ok what, better than over here at Singapore right, they want you to buy from them and spend your money on them but service still like crap and the face masam semacam like asking to kena crap on. Chet. Anyway! Anyway! Don't know why I talking about so much crap when I should just post millions of pictures to tell about my holiday, even though, you know lah, these words and pictures can never really depict or capture the true enriching experience of travelling to another country and letting your spirit go free (hear like that like a bit scary pulak eh, kalau let your spirit go free from your body... kan mati tu!) Joking about the millions of pictures, by the way. Over here won't have so much lah, the one which have millions of pictures inside is of course still inside my digicam. Speaking of which ah, the below pictures are mix and match from both my batch and Lisa's batch ah, so how to know which shots are from whose, obviously the unprofessional blurry ones are from me and the clear, sharp ones are from Lisa. Actually still got even more power pictures from Ahmad's camera!!!!!!! The fucking pretty until can die types! But wait for him to passing pictures is like waiting for Vesak Day to come so I cowboy and go ahead first lah hor. 12 May 2010, Wednesday, Day One    Red glitter nails! Must give warning though, this glitter nail polish sibeh bitch to remove lor.  Oi, you stealing whose luggage tu hah. Oh, and I must say, our passport covers sibeh cute hor?!?!?! Like asking to kena bite only. Another thing I also want to say is that I want to thank you Jetstar (dah tiru gaya Joanne Peh lah pulak) because my flight to Phuket was only 60 fucking dollars!!! Oklah, fine, if want to choose for window seat kena add another $10 but fuck lah, $60 (+$10) for flight to Phuket is still dirt cheap lor, in my honest opinion. AND. TALKING. ABOUT. FLIGHTS. Can you imagine or not, that we almost miss our flight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The story is that after we check in already and have our breakfast, we actually thought that we need to report to the place where they check the bags for security before go inside airplane in an hour's time. Turns out must be in forty minutes' time!!! So we were dilly dally at the duty-free shop and heng heng Saliheen actually heard some kind of announcement for our flight to Phuket and when we rushing out from the shop, we saw from the boards, it was flashing that our flight was - "Gate Closing"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At that moment not only the gates closing, I think the walls of the airport also felt like they were closing in on me leh! My champion boyfriend start to sprinting towards our assigned gate and zig zag through a maze of boards and people all so I also start to run after him even though my heart like anytime going to stop!!! And anyone who know me very well in real life will know that I run like a duck. Which means when I run, it's as good as not running at all lor. But because my boyfriend is the strong and fast runner kind of fat boy, he was waaayyyyy ahead of me and just keep going because he was so scared the assigned gate will be damn fucking far from where we were at. I was already going to give up and telling myself fuck lah, just screw the holiday, let's just forget the flight which we are chop confirm missing anyway, so when Saliheen also start to slow down I thought, ok lah relax, no need to run already, can just go holiday at Sentosa already..... then he suddenly start sprinting again!!!!! I was out of breath already lor and croaked out a helpless "B!!! I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!" ala injured heroine tak boleh harap stuck in a precarious situation in an action movie (The bewildered looks from the people around me were hilarious by the way, now that I remember it back) but the fucker kept sprinting without realising his girlfriend actually going to collapse at the back ah. Turns out he was slowing down to look at the signboards around to see where we were and had started sprinting again when he realised that we were just a short distance from the assigned gate... and when we reach, we were allowed in!!! Fucking heng!!! If not because I was on the verge of my death I think I would have jump up and down in joy already lor. Of course after that the "Like this you want to join Amazing Race: Asia ah?!?!?!" jokes start to come out, but eh wahlau, this is exactly why I think we are fucking suited to join Amazing Race: Asia lor. The reason we're suited for TV entertainment is because my whiny dramatics when comes to kena do tough challenges can kena contrast with his admirable resilience (Ok mok, don't say I always make you the butt of jokes on my blog ah, I also got give you praise over here ah)... you know Flo and Zach from The Amazing Race??? Ya, our dynamics probably going to be something like that lor... which pretty much means people will hate me for life lor hahahahaha. Ok fine, on second thoughts..... cannot make it eh. I shall now go back to my story about my Phuket holiday. After such a dramatic start to the holiday, I though oklah, better not have any more heart shocks but I was wrong because there was another heart shock at the Phuket airport... when I saw Lisa and Ahmad holding up a nameboard to so-called welcome me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oklah, more of Lisa grinning and holding the nameboard dengan penuh enthu while Ahmad was struggling with his DSLR to turn on his video recording function to capture the priceless moment but seriously failed hahahahaha. Nonetheless, I hereby declare THAT IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE EVE-R!!! Yakked in the cab on our way to our resort hotel, and they gave me the compulsory handwritten birthday card and present (in the form of Sarah Jessica Parker's Covet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you bbs!!!) and once we reach, we get cheap thrill from seeing our names on the welcome board hahahahaha perangai merepek mengalahkan kerepek seh.  The resort gave me a free upgrade... to its bleeding suite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha aiyah no lah, bluffing only, not because of my birthday then they so nice and sincere give me room upgrade lah, but because they cocked up the bookings and didn't have the deluxe seaview room which I booked. Which is fine by me obviously, ok thanks bye, so we checked in then went out for walk down Patong beach and the area before having lunch at where the locals (those who know) eat.       Can someone help me translate the signboard below the 'No Parking'...... The picture like a bit suspicious ah.    LOVE THAI FOOD LOVE THAI FOOD LOVE THAI FOOD.   Oi, korang looking for what drinks tu hah.   Botched dye job. Fail.   My favourite boy with his favourite shades. Tak lepas lepas ah itu shades! (Except for one time at Karon Beach but that is for the story later.)   Night time we venture for... makan again lah, what else. If you don't remember then I must remind you... LOVE THAI FOOD LOVE THAI FOOD LOVE THAI FOOD.      Fuckin' ace chicken noodles (which will give you lips which look like kena stung by bee, I swear)... ... and sungguh sinful banana chocolate crepes for dinner!  Back in the resort, we relax at balcony, do photoshoot in the wardrobe (damn thing is bleeding huge and opens on both sides so you walk through it to go from the living room to the bedroom if you want to), drank and snacked, planned our activities and budget, played Scrabble and talked cock. Talk cock eh, not suck cock eh. Suck cock is people do outside our resort one, further down Bangla Road there. Please remember that eh, you are hear*, and over hear*, we only talk cock, no suck cock one.          Of course the best part of the night came much later when I prepare an awesome bubble bath for myself! Fucking tub comes with buttons which can turn it into a personal jacuzzi. Mm-hmm.  13 May 2010, Thursday, Day Two      Wahlau, people's face like smelly goat in the morning don't know why must take photo. Last night get bubble bath don't mean next day wake up the face will look like got gold ok.  Sighhh... I can totally get used to having breakfast by the beach for the rest of my life lor. Having said that, actually I can just live beside the beach for the rest of my life lor since I am the love the sun, the sand and the sea kind of girl. Tapi yang penting! Must remember to put on suntan lotion first before anything hor... (Or probably like how Lisa's grandma calls it - santan lotion. Hahahahahaha, sial lah santan.)   But happier times are right ahead because the time is ripe to..... PARASAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      If you must know, he was the only one who hit the waters when trying to get up in the air (member celup air laut tiga kali siol) hahahahaha and the only one among us who kena landing inside the waters hahahahahahahaha lepak ah ini badut. Next is my turn!   Made me feel so alive and free!!! Feel like want to apply and become like the guy who go up with me (he went up without being strapped or tied to anything ok!!!) and feel alive and free at my job for the rest of my life. How come he can have such an exciting and cool job ni! I slave for three years for qualifications and what kind of job do I have???!! Aiyah, better not say, later people come complain and say I write bad things. Ok! Ok! Lisa's turn was next so kena get all strapped up.  You know how we laugh at Saliheen because he was the only one who kena landing in the sea?! Well, he may have kena landing in the sea but at least he never landing like this.....  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MEMBER LANDING MUKA TERSEMBAM KAT PASIR LAH SIAL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LEPAK LAH SIAL. What make it even more fucking lepak was the fact that even after she landed by smacking right onto the sand, fucker didn't move a fucking muscle like as if to say "Aku redha dengan ape yang telah terjadi....." hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha fuck, I laugh until I also rolling in the sand all. Ten seconds later, with the help of the parasailing people, her face finally emerged from the sand, shaking and beet red with laughter. I vote this as the most fucking hilarious moment of the entire fucking holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Ok, ok, dah... (stifles a giggle) Ahmad next.  No unfortunate incidents from Ahmad here, because he is like me, expert in going up with the parasail and landing with parasail already. Haha! (I tell you already, I should just apply for this parasailing job lor. Sesungguhnye hidup akan lebih mulia dan bermakna.) Then after that! Time to suntan (bukan santan eh nek!) and soak in the Patong beach goodness until everyone become black and hungry and we then go for dinner at a cosy little cafe beside our resort, which soon become our favourite chill-out place because got free wi-fi and sedap thai iced tea!          Tak lepas Facebook and tak lepas Twitter. Thank you Beachway Cafe for making it possible.  Wah, bahagia sungguh kau. (Fucker was laughing at some spelling and grammar errors inside the menu. And trust me, those spelling and grammar errors inside the menu were not the only lepak ones we encountered throughout the holiday.) After makan dinner was muay thai match time!!! Such exciting times.      These boys who were fighting muay thai are really very young ok! Look like in their mid-primary school kind? I personally think it is sibeh disturbing that the boy in blue above has motherfucking six-pack abs, y'all. I mean, all of them had six-pack abs ah but his was a bit too defined for a, what, ten-year-old boy?! Next up was this boy who looks confidence-mau-lebih here...  .... but kena knockout by his opponent less than five minutes into the round siol!!!  Member couldn't get up from the ground for what feels like ten years lor. And this is the boy who did that to him (making him slam to the ground after kena whack with one single swoop of the elbow to the face):  FIERCE KA PA. Lagi fierce dari Tyra Banks dan lagi fierce dari mak aku siol. But fierce like how also, cannot challenge this guy below punya fierce:  We were talking about how if he come to Singapore, he can fit in with the matreps because he got the typical matrep look and package when our in-house smart aleck (Saliheen, duh) had to comment "A'ah sak, ni confirm tinggal Marsiling siol!" HAHAHAHAHA BABI.   Probably need to come down Marsiling, Singapore, and train with the matreps on how to rembat people. 14 May 2010, Friday, Day Three All tired out from watching people fight in a muay thai match but were in high spirits when we go Phi Phi Island the next day! There were a bunch of beach and islands which we go to which is part of the whole visit Phi Phi Island experience lah but I no need go into details hor. Kan better if you go Phuket and learn all about the islands and spots yourself? ;)  Armed with our mineral water and flippers, we're ready to go Phi Phi Island-ing! Naik speedboat! We had a funny and friendly guide who keeps finishing his sentences with "... ok everybodeh?!"           So pretty right the water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And look like agar agar right!!! Om nom nom.      It was also on this pretty Maya beach that we saw a fucking hot African-American girl who [quote] "looks like she stepped out from a 50Cent music video!" [unquote] Can't remember who say one but tak salah, it was you right Ahmad! Hahaha! But really true lah what he said, not bluffing one! After drooling over the hot people (so many of them!!!), we went snorkelling! Snorkelling! Snorkelling! Yay! Heh heh heh, pardon me, this one I very jakun because I never do before, unlike the rest of them ah. We got take pictures from our underwater cameras ah, but I haven't develop so don't have with me now to show you all. Even if have, I don't think I will show because muka confirm muka konek babi punye. Once done with the snorkelling bit, we went back on our speedboat, saw other speedboats and sampans and ships, admired the beauty of the deep open seas, and then we go to an island for our buffet lunch.  Oh wait, I never mention that we went to the monkey island place to feed monkeys! Ni pun aku jakun.  Oklah, monkey eat already, next up, we also need to eat! Buffet lunch!   Done with the Phi Phi Island-ing, we return to resort to wash up and head out for dinner at what became our favourite dinner spot also, No.6 Restaurant!        STICKY RICE WITH MANGO!!!!! VERY SEDAP OK!!! SEDAP MENJILAT PIPI!!! Then balek resort, main Monopoly.  This is one of the most lepak Monopoly games I ever got play. Lisa keep on kena Free Parking and Saliheen keep on kena go to jail and fucker grumbled like a bitch!!! Tu lah dia, who ask you to be so penyangak. 15 May 2010, Saturday, Day Four Next day was relaxing day and we plan to go visit the neighbouring Karon beach because people all tell us the beach is good and pretty and and rave about it. All of us went and agree that actually nothing much lah, the only difference is that Patong beach is more commercialised so more people whereas Karon beach more quiet because got less people. Personally still prefer Patong beach, at least no need to terkial kial look for toilet and I SWEAR THE KARON BEACH PUNYE WAVES ARE BLEEDING EVIL PLEASE. Can imagine or not I kena knock out onto the shore by the waves three freaking times and in the process of me kena flung all over by the waves I lost my right contact lens lor!!!!! Became half-blind for awhile and the sial part is that Lisa also lost her favourite shades! Kena sacrifice to the evil Karon beach waves! (She was quite near the edges, I think, testing waters kind, even though I already tell her the waves are insane and will knock you over so in the end she did kena knock over by the waves, favourite shades and all.) Even our strong and muscular hero Saliheen was flung about by the waves when he tried to take care of me and pull me out to safety when I was knocked over and his face actually hit the back of my head in the whole madness. The sial part was that he was, as usual, still wearing his favourite shades yang tak lepas lepas and the impact caused a cut on his face near his right eye which started to bleed as hell!!! So in the end he kena stay off his shades for awhile. Kesiaaannnnn aku punya hero, sampai ade injury!      Oh, hahahahaha, don't know what happened on this day but somehow we suddenly went on a buying spree (there's this thing about beaches in Phuket where these local sellers will hawk their wares to you while you relax by the beach so you have to keep on saying "No, no, no." everytime one comes) and dalam banyak banyak benda, this Salheen the joker mati mati nak beli this seruling berputar thing! His reason behind buying it is obviously very cheeky; it is so that he can play the seruling non stop hits and annoy people to no end. Nampak sah. You think I don't know ah?!?!?! Gasak kau lah budak. (By the way, we call it the seruling bapak kau hahahaha because the seller was hoping we buy from him mah, so he give us a bit of sob story about how his father is the one who painstakingly make the seruling so he can go and sell them off for their living. After Saliheen buy from him already, this Saliheen fucker keep on playing the seruling and pretend he is a seruling seller trying to sell his seruling to us - he is out to annoy us mah - and someway somehow someone actually asked eh seruling bapak kau pe. Hahaha!) In the meantime, Lisa and I buy matching friendship bands because we are very 1990s like that heh heh.          After doing battle with the evil Karon beach waves, we become very the hungry so after buying my contact lens from the shop opposite (monthly lens for 180 baht = estimated SGD9!!! murah pe!), we choose to eat at Hungry Corner because their signboard say they got discounted lunch sets and which decent Singaporean will miss out on discounts, right! In the end we realise that there is actually terms and conditions involved i.e. discounted lunch sets kicks in only after 5.00 p.m. Kanina! Cheat our feeling. Lucky their cheeseburger taste quite power.     My impian to go on a tuk tuk tercapai when we take a tuk tuk back to our resort!!! Fine lah, it's not really a tuk tuk per se, since it is actually a van version of the tuk tuk and not the actual tuk tuk type, but at least got try ok! Next time I go Bangkok again, I promise myself already that I will take the tuk tuk. Betul! Promise! Pinky swear! Oh! You know or not which impian of mine never tercapai within that few days that we were in Phuket?! To ride an elephant and go elephant-trekking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They all damn losers lor, don't want to go with meeeee and go trekking with the elephies :,( (Step cute.)Why nobody want to go elephant-trekking one?!?!?! Not fun meh?! Fun what sit on elephant then go jalan jalan with him.   Then back to No.6 Restaurant again for dinner!      They don't have nice thai iced tea but the dishes there are marvelous! The tom yam is damn shiok siol!!! So remember ah friendz, it is No.6 Restaurant, and not any other restaurant ah, and especially not this Sala Bua restaurant ah.  Hahahahahahahaha kimak, sala bua. Walked down the streets to take it the sights and sounds and Saturday is really the best day to especially walk down Bangla Road because the atmosphere is bleeding amazing and got a lot of happening things to see and do. Shopped for souvenirs, watched the lady boys strut their stuff, b-boys breakdancing on the streets, swatted off people who were pulling us to go watch the ping pong show lah, bird show lah, goldfish show lah, what lah (in case you live inside cave and don't know what these shows are all about, I suggest you go bukak Google.)..... basically being very the typical tourist lah. And this is the typical lady boy being, er, the typical lady boy?    I have to admit that I love looking at lady boys lor! Some can be veh pretty, prettier than real women, even. The blondie one was going a bit too much though, a second after I snapped the picture, his/her dress went way below his/her boobs and that's it ah, everything tumpah, signed sealed and exposed!!! That's when our boatman Ahmad decide he had enough and walked away in acute trauma hahahahahahahahaha, the guys kept saying "Sial lah! Punat jantan! Punat jantan! Sial!" hahahahaha, please lah guys, adventurous ah sikit please! I for one actually found the one in black quite lawa, nyah! It was only when the joker in pink come up the platform that I also walked away. Like fuck, what fuck is that?!?!?! Supposed to be MILF the lady boy version or what?! Cannot make it leh, where got want to kena fucked like that?! Wahlau, the face. So, since we wanted to get away from all the maksiat, we decided to go for a (clean and decent) Thai massage! (I actually wanted to mix around with the nyahs lor and go watch more kecoh shows but they don't want so Saliheen already promised that the next time we go Phuket again we will definitely go inside to watch the shows... AND YES, ALSO GO ELEPHANT TREKKING.) Anyway, the Thai massage was damn fucking awesome to the bone siol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It'd be damn stupid to go Thailand and not have their Thai massage because it is really very shiok and relaxing and omg lah sak!!! Left the place really rejuvenated, macam want to put the masseuse inside my pocket and bring her home to Singapore with me so she can give me Thai massage everyday after I come home from work. Yes, it is that shiok, until I want to do human trafficking all. 16 May 2010, Sunday, Day Five Body kena massage shiok shiok the night before already, so next day is to go explore James Bond Island! On this day we got very funny and friendly guide also who cannot stop talking about crocodiles eating us alive hahaha ape je. We went on this big ship thing and also on the thing they call long boat because it is very long (?!) and also the sampan. Quite cool experience, considering I only know how it feels like to be in a bus, a train, a motorcycle, a car and an aeroplane only so far.                      As you can also see, we got go canoeing at the mangroves and caves place there which is also damn happening thing to do! There is even a fucking shop in the middle of the mangrove place selling drinks and snacks lor. Tapi the lepak moment of the day was when our canoe guide actually told us to look out for the "walking fish". We thinking, what the hell is walking fish and then suddenly he point us to a mud fucking skipper!!! Hahahahahaha. Ade ke patut dia panggil mudskipper a walking fish! Ish, tak patut, tak patut. Afterwards, we go visit some Muslim fishing village where all the shops and houses and the school are all on stilts kind and they all live in the middle of the sea. Cannot imagine myself staying in such a place lor, quite scary right live in the middle of the open sea?! Imagine ah if want to commit suicide how seh, don't have tall buildings to jump out from, at most you jump out window and commit suicide by drowing hor. Buffet lunch was on the ship itself and after relaxing at this other beach that they bring us to (which isn't really that nice, harapkan got nice coconut aje.) we went back to the resort to wash up and watch the beautiful sunset at Patong beach!    Oklah, actually only the kencang photography enthusiasts Ahmad and Lisa who went to see the sunset while Saliheen and I stay in to watch the comedy bodoh 'Accepted' haha, takde maknanye tengok comedy bodoh macam gitu. (We get to watch quite a few shows while on holiday there, one that I remember is 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days', 'Little Nicky' (Saliheen especially enjoyed this one, unsurprisingly), this pretty good indie flick with Kristen Stewart in it, and there's this pretty good French mystery-suspense thriller show, both of which I'm still trying to find out what the titles are lor) Beachway Cafe again for dinner on our last night at Phuket! If not because it is our last night in Phuket, I think I ask for a membership discount card already agaknye.   Then after dinner was a bit more of jalan jalan becase feeling feeling emo lah kan, going to leave Phuket already all, and we decided it's time for some french manicure and pedicure for the BFFs! BFFs Lisa and I lah, not Saliheen and Ahmad.   Favour eh, itu muka aku kasi warning last kopek punye eh. Must be the after effects of the face slam into the sand while trying to land after parasailing, right?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This day is of course the most sial day of all because it's the last day that we stay in Phuket :((( Thought that on our last day all of us will be stoned and nostalgic and the day won't really be eventful or give heart shocks or what but turns out that this is one kind of holiday that confirm will have heart shock one hahahahaha. And no lah, don't worry lah, it's not about us going to miss the flight back to Singapore or what (although I wouldn't mind being stranded in Phuket for another month or so lah) but it is more of Ahmad by accident leave his wallet inside the cab that sent us to the airport!!! Siak ah, lepas satu episode, lagi satu pulak. But Ahmad seemed sibeh calm about it and when Lisa (the dramatic) and Saliheen (the lebih dramatic) say that if it happen to them, they wouldn't be so calm like him, itu boatman (we called him boatman throughout the holiday, you got see his boatman hat or not?!) actually said that outside only he look calm, but inside his heart is actually like Karon beach waves ah hahahahahaha. Very funny right this Ahmad friend of mine! (By the way, single ladies, just for your information... he's up for grabs ah. (*selit) Ahmad! Aku tolong lelong ni!) Anyway, it was fucking heng for him that we booked the cab from the resort itself, because we manage to make frantic calls to trace back. If we had flag down any Tom, Dick or Harry cab from the streets then how?! I/C inside, burn ah. ATM cards inside, burn ah. 900 Thai baht inside, burn ah. SGD2 inside, burn ah. Don't you just hate it when shiok holidays like this end?! It's like you can be so happy and carefree on holidays (ok maybe not for Lisa who was on fucking call with the boss on most of the days and had to make work-related calls and check work-related emails) and then suddenly wham bam slam you're back in the shitty mundane life living inside a country where everything is done within the box. No, let me rephrase that properly ah, this country is no damn box, it's actually a fucking pressure cooker which is still inside box or something. OK, TAKMU BITTER, PLEASE. All these bitterness aside, all I can say for now is (of course) I love Phuket!!!!! I'll definitely be back, my dear Phuket, and next time, I'M GOING ELEPHANT TREKKING LOR. (*BITTER) Labels: activities, best friend, birthday, boyfriend, holiday, travel leave a comment!
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